Cashew macaroons or ‘mukroons’ however u call it used to be my childhood favorite. Whenever my dad traveled to Mangalore, I’ll be waiting for him to return back with these yummy goodies.. These airy, nutty, sugary treats are really addictive, you cannot stop eating these. I had a beautiful dream about my dad, he was helping me with gardening only to wake up and realize that he is no more.. So I woke up sobbing today morning and needed a pick me up and decided to bake something simple. This was in my to-do list since long and finally got to make it today.. And I’m glad that I did, it sure whipped up a lot of childhood memories.. These cashew macaroons are very easy to make with minimal ingredients. I love how I got it right at the first attempt and the taste was 99.99% similar to the authentic one. Oh btw, I have never tasted a macaroon from Thoothukudi, to be honest, I din’t even know these existed in Tamil Nadu too. But, my husband said it tasted ditto like the Thoothukudi ones except that the shape will be of cone.. Oh well!!Read More …
In my previous post I had mentioned that I lost my dad to cancer recently and life’s been rough and pointless since then.. I have been shutting myself away from everyone and living in my own cocoon.. It’s impacting me not just emotionally but also mentally and physically.. I’m losing hair at an alarming rate, my stomach and head hurts all day when I sob.. I’m struggling to deal with the loss and sadly, I’m not able to express it orally to anyone.. Until last week, I din’t feel like cooking/ blogging/watching TV.. Everyone deals with the pain of loss differently, it’s a learning process for me. And, I have realized that I need to find happiness in simplest of things and try to live life one moment at a time.. I have decided to cook something that my dad likes, so that I’d get the motivation to cook something everyday.. I’ll also try to blog the recipe.. So for today, I made this delicious vegan smoothie.. Growing up, my dad used to feed us a lot of avocados in the form of ice-cream, pudding, milkshake/smoothie.. So I came up with this smoothie for today which is loaded with spinach, pineapple, avocado(no points for guessing that), almond milk and lots of memories.. We had this smoothie after our evening walk, not only this smoothie was delicious but it was super refreshing and energy-boosting.. Read More …
Phew! I really don’t know if I can do this as it stirs me up , but I wanna pour my heart out. My tone may seem bland but read it with one full of devastation, rage and disappointment. I lost my dad on January 18th of this year after his 1.5 years of battle with esophagus cancer at the age of 61. I feel so pathetic and unlucky that I couldn’t be with him during the end. To those who don’t know, I stay abroad with my husband. It was a Sunday afternoon for me when I got the news.. Few hours before my father passed, 10 am in Chicago | 21:30 in IndiaRead More …
Me: How’s appa(dad) doing?
My brother: He’s been sleeping since morning..
Me: Oh.. I think he’s drowsy cos of the sedatives.. He’d be fine tomorrow. Don’t worry.. Good night..
After restless 4 hrs.. 14:00 in Chicago| 01:30am IST,
My husband and I were having our lunch, my husband’s phone rang and when I saw my brother’s name flashing on the screen I started panicking. It was past 12 am in India and it is unusual that my brother would call us at that time, the call which I’d never forget.
I gathered some courage, picked the call and asked , “what happened?”
he said, “Can u pass the phone to Hari?”
Me: No tell me.. what’s wrong?!
My husband takes the phone from me.
My brother’s voice was trembling when he said, “Appa passed away”
I could hear him bawl…
I was numb and could hardly grasp what I just heard.. I was as still as a statue..
I wanted to slap myself so that I could cry..
I wanted to scream my lungs out but I just couldn’t..
I wanted to unhear what I just heard..I wish..
I WISHED I COULD REVERSE WHAT HAD JUST HAPPENED.
He complained of breathing problem few minutes past midnight and wanted to rush to the hospital, and in no time he passed away peacefully in the arms of my mom and my brother due to cardiac arrest. They were still hopeful and took him to nearest hospital only to hear the doctor pronounce him ‘Dead on Arrival’.
We knew that the time was ticking for him but we din’t know it was THIS soon either. He was recuperating pretty well. He was a fighter throughout the battle; brave,uncomplaining, compassionate. He could have lived another 5-10 years easily. What went wrong?? Did I not pray enough? What did I do to not deserve having my dad around for few more years?
He was (it kills me to use past tense) a very kind, quick-witted, loving, generous, jovial person.. He didn’t deserve to be tortured by this cruel monster.. After long hours of radiation+chemotherapy, sleepless and painful nights, he had lost around 30 kgs but still looked charming as ever with that beautiful smile he wore.. It was heart-breaking and soul-crushing for us to see him suffer and going from this
and finally to this..