My First Birthday Without You.

On 2nd June 2016 I turned 29. I wish I could express it in a lively, joyful way but I just can’t. It’s my first birthday without my dad. He was always the first one to wish me a happy birthday. Just when I thought I was making peace with my dad’s passing, there came my birthday- a sad, cruel and worst one. If you know me personally, you probably know me as a five-year-old-soul-in-a-29-year-old-body. Birthdays were a big deal for me as they are for 5 year olds. Not anymore. I just treated this birthday as just another day. For the first time ever, I din’t want people to remember my birthday.  I din’t want to face the cruel reality that my dad’s not gonna wish me on my birthday. Just another day seemed much better for me than a fatherless birthday.  I lied in my bed until 10am secretly waiting for that one call and recollecting my previous birthdays. When I was young, he would wake me up in the morning and say “HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING” and start dancing awkwardly to make me smile. When I left home for my higher education, again, he would be the first one to call. He would randomly call in between and do “meow” JUST to annoy me and bring that smile on my face. Isn’t it sad that the person who gave me a lot of memories is now a memory? I sobbed until afternoon like a five year old. Throughout the day I got a lot of calls and messages from family and friends, I felt better talking to each of you.My best friend dropped by surprising me with a lovely, thoughtful gift. Another close friend of mine surprised me by booking tickets to Chicago. H had planned to take me out to a Thai place for dinner but I was very stubborn that I wouldn’t step out of house. All I wanted was a simple dinner in my patio and get to bed ASAP so that I can get over with this not-so-happy birthday. Another friend of mine called and made sure I went out with H and she demanded proof as in pictures of me with H and food. H literally dragged me out of the house and took me to this amazing Indian restaurant since I wanted simple Indian food. We parked our car and were walking towards the restaurant, there was something nice about that street which changed my mood instantly. It was so lively, there was a carnival going on near by and there were loads of people. As we got closer to the restaurant, I could see that they had outdoor dining too which means string lights and I get to do people-watching which I absolutely love, love, LOVE! In place of my dad’s wish, H gave me something precious and lovely-good memories, happy ones, which my dad gave me all the time. At the end of the day, I felt lucky and blessed. I feel lucky to have had such a wonderful father, family and friends. I mean seriously, friends like who would make sure I go out and feel better, friends who would drop by and surprise you with a much-needed hug, friends who would book flight tickets pronto without any second thoughts. Am I blessed or what? Thanks to all those who showered love on me which certainly helps in my healing journey, a lots of good vibes from me to you all. 🙂 image1 (16)image2 (11)IMG_3297
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4 thoughts on “My First Birthday Without You.

  1. This post started out by giving me a sinking feeling in my stomach. Just like you, I love my birthdays. Just like you, my dad’s usually the first one to wish me. Just like you, I tend to get emotional and upset. But unlike you, I can only imagine what your pain feels like.
    However, as I read on, a smile replaced that sinking feeling. I’m so proud of you for looking beyond your pain and loss, and for being grateful for everything you have. Yes, you are blessed with a wonderful family, a great spouse and a good set of friends. It’s amazing that you express gratitude even on a day that you woke up with pain in your heart <3

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