Fear, Anxiety and Depression.

These three words pretty much sums up my life right now. Very much common after losing your loved one I guess. I haven’t shared this anyone except my husband but here I’m sharing it with everyone I know. When I wrote about my dad’s passing here, I said I have faced the worst fear of my life and that I’m not scared of anything now. But I was only numb when I said that. Life has been tough, very tough since I lost my dad. Either I miss my dad, or the nightmares of him going through cancer and facing his impending death or my fear of losing a loved one or suffer due to illness haunts my life right now. Fear becomes anxiety and that drives me crazy. I hate the feeling of being anxious- hot flashes, heart beating too fast, breathing problem, negative thoughts and the stomach pain that kills. I don’t express my sorrows or cry to anyone, not even to people who are very close to me. I find it tough and also when I cry all that everyone tells is something what I don’t want to hear. For me, my dad is still here in some form and I hate when people say that he’s gone and you can’t do anything about it. So I’ve decided not to talk about it to anyone because no one really understands and that’s ok. Only way I pour my heart out is by writing, so here I’m being brutally honest about my life. funniest_memes_what-anxiety-feels-like_18619 The best way to describe my life right now is, I feel like I’m stranded with my loved ones in a dark place with no daylight whatsoever, the waves are so harsh that I’m sure it might harm us one day but I don’t know when. That fear of uncertainty, that fear of losing my loved one, the fear of helplessness. That’s how I feel right now. What’s worst than this is people (some close to me, some not so much) have hurt me knowingly and unknowingly. So much so that I sometimes feel it’s better to get washed away by the waves than to be suffering this way. No, I haven’t tried to commit suicide or anything like that. And if you are going through something like this, you shouldn’t too. What makes it worth living is the ones who love us, the ones who would do anything to make us happy. I’m so blessed that I have so many reasons to live for. There are so many kind souls who made sure I remain sane knowingly or unknowingly. you know who you are 🙂 I always wish them good for showering me with so much of happy vibes. I can’t thank them enough. 🙂 Slowly, I understood what this monster called anxiety is doing to my mind and my body and I’m trying to deal with it. If my dad could deal with cancer I can deal with anxiety too. Here are few things which helps me keep the anxiety pangs at bay. If you’re going through anxiety issues as a part of grief or any other reasons, do not give up on life. Try one of these things and see if it helps you feel better and please don’t hesitate to visit a doc. Endorphins are your friends- Endorphins are the feel-good chemicals in our brain that helps us fight the anxiety pangs. Walking, jogging, yoga, loud music, chocolate, a scented candle or a drop of essential oil while taking shower will make you feel better instantly. I have tried each and everything mentioned above and it works like  a charm. Get out of your house- I don’t work currently so I’m mostly home and I prefer to be home.But my husband insisted and literally dragged me outside and guess what, I felt nice after breathing some fresh air and soaking some sun. I won’t say it will make you happy but do step out few hours a day atleast and you will feel a lot better. Do something that you love- I’m sure we all have some hobbies or the things we love doing. Do them for the sake of mindfulness and also because you love doing that. I love interior design, baking/cooking and gardening. I took it up seriously and loving the rewards and compliments that I’m receiving. Make a happy list This works like a magic, try it! Hi friends, bye frenemies- All that you need during this phase is some good friends. You will also discover some frenemies whom you can say bye for a while. we don’t need that kind of energy in our life, do we? All we need is good energy, good vibes, good people. One day at a time- Do not think much about past or future. Just live in the moment. Do all the things that make you happy and do more of it. Take it one day at a time and live a quality life. Make memories one day at a time. Count your blessings- Think of all the good things that the universe has offered you and thank universe for that. Ask for more blessings. Radiate love- Make someone feel happy. You happiness will be doubled knowing that you made them feel happy. Sharing is caring The thing that doesn’t matter to you might be a jackpot someone is waiting to win. Purge all the stuff you don’t need and donate it to others who need them badly. I recently cut my hair and sent it to ‘Pantene beautiful lengths’, they would make a wig of it and give it to someone who have lost their hair due to illness. I promise to give more. Motivate yourself- We all have that good guy inside us. Let them motivate us. read a book/article. listen to a podcast. Do what makes you feel confident and strong. Love yourself- Don’t be too hard on yourself. Love yourself and pamper yourself with your favorite dish/movie/vacation. That’s all I can think of right now and guess what guys.. I was crying and anxious when I started writing this post but I feel so much better now. If you like writing, write a lot too. Or what I mean to tell is just pour your heart out somehow, you will feel light and so much better. Hugs to all of you. I hope this helps someone atleast a tiny bit. Take care, A      
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6 thoughts on “Fear, Anxiety and Depression.

  1. Ice.. *hugs* I truly believe you still have got that magic in you.. knowing everything that you did or are doing to keep yourself up.. through words you’re touching lives and giving them hope. Ignore people who say he is gone. He is very much there.. with you, with me and many others in many forms 🙂 I am sure you’ll conquer these fear, anxiety and depression one day and very soon! 🙂

  2. I am really sorry for what you are going through. Nothing can comfort your dad’s loss. Is it possible for you to volunteer in food bank/pantry? My family members’ health problems & my miscarriage was bothering me a lot and once I went there, seeing how many people are struggling to meet their basic food needs, I was thanking God for what I have. I felt like this depression is a cycle. But at least I felt better for a few months. Hope it helps. Best wishes.

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