This is the most dreaded question of 2016 for me. In fact until Oct of 2015, if anyone asked me, “How are you?” my response would be “Oh I’m doing great!:D” I have always replied like this to every ‘how-are-you’ question ever since I’ve started talking I think. My response might seem like my life was a breeze and I was high on
life. I can surely say that 50% of it is true. My life was not a breeze but I was always high on life. I have been bullied for scoring good marks, I have flunked more than once and many such horrible horrible things have happened but it just din’t seem to bother me much thankfully.
Since the time I lost my dad, this ‘how-are-you’ question has been bothering me so much so that I stare at a blank wall and wonder what should I answer. Some replies never made it outside of my mind, it was processed painfully and encrypted in to “I’m OK” which mostly meant..
- I feel like dying.
- I hate this life and I don’t wanna be alive.
- I wanna roll on the road and scream my lungs out.
- I’m struggling but you won’t understand.
- I’m feeling much better today actually.
- My stomach hurts like crazy and heart is pounding.
- Thanks for reminding that I’m feeling pathetic.
- I’m missing my dad.
- I really don’t know how I’m doing.
- You can’t ask me how I’m doing, don’t you know I’m grieving. Should I wear a board saying I’m grieving?
- Can you ask me a different question?
- I’m anything but OK.
These replies are finally out of my mind and I feel so light already. It was so painful that I couldn’t speak my mind out. I have slowly transitioned from a fake ‘I’m ok’ to the real ‘I’m ok’ to ‘I’m good’. So I’m getting there one day at a time and I really hope 2017 helps me to get there. Have a great week y’all!
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