(Visited 118 times, 1 visits today)
I know I’m doing it a lil late but I still don’t know if I can complete/publish this post. Here’s me saying goodbye to 2016. 2016 is that evil monstrous teacher who won’t be getting any flowers/cards from me. I’m so so glad that it’s gone. Except I feel a lil guilty now that I din’t say one nice thing about 2016 at all. Because there’s not even one nice thing! Jan 2016- I lost my dad. Doing rituals that my dad did for his mom when he was 61 and my brother and I did the same for my dad when we are barely half his age. Feb 2016- I was busy getting death certificates, claiming insurance money, removing my dad’s name out of everything, crying in middle of the road, restrooms. Mar 2016- Trying to figure what happens after death. Slept most of the time because reality was just painful. Consoling the visitors who came to console us. I decided to not have kids. Being born as a human is a curse. My baby will have to suffer just like how I’m suffering now. So, no I’m not having kids. Apr 2016- Back in Chicago with lots of problems including fear, anxiety and painful grief. May 2016- Going through grief all by myself, sobbing for hours together, getting mad at everything and everyone, dealing with anxiety pangs, break-downs, panic attacks. June 2016- My first birthday without my dad. Met with an accident. More anxiety. July 2016- Got into gardening, did a lot of it. Every harvest was like a miracle and helped me find my inner-peace back. Aug 2016- I figured I haven’t really lost my dad, he is and will be my dad always and forever. He is omni-present and I will have to interpret his silence whenever I miss him. He is my guardian angel always guiding me. Sep 2016- I found the solution to my anxiety and with the help of my loved ones, I started working on kicking its ass. I also started taking life one day at a time, enjoying little things in life, making memories, spreading happiness. Death/grief is painful but that made me appreciate life more and to not take it for granted. Oct 2016- Should I get pregnant like everyone is suggesting? Or may be not now. Definitely not when I’m suffering. But I can’t control and decide my life anyway, if only I could, I would have saved my dad. So let’s go with the flow and accept what life has in store for me. No expectations whatsoever, let’s live it one moment at a time until the day I’ll be reunited with my dad. Nov 2016- Trump happened! Negative vibes, over-thinking, fear, breakdowns drained the life out of me but that made me grow spiritually and emotionally. Dec 2016- Something about December felt so nice, nothing extraordinary happened to me but I could sense a lot of positive vibes around me. That felt so good- not happy, not sad- it’s been a long time since I felt that way. Thanks to each and everyone who had me in your thoughts and sent me much needed positive energy. 2016 is very bad year for me but I have learnt a lot. It is that evil teacher who hit me right on my knuckles and tortured me just so that I learn and be a better human. I’m a good kid you know, I can learn things when taught in a good way. I’ll never be thankful to you! Not one bit. Good bye, 2016.