Farewell to 2016

I know I’m doing it a lil late but I still don’t know if I can complete/publish this post. Here’s me saying goodbye to 2016. 2016 is that evil monstrous teacher who won’t be getting any flowers/cards from me. I’m so so glad that it’sΒ gone. Except I feel a lil guilty now that I din’t say one nice thing about 2016 at all. Because there’s not even one nice thing! Jan 2016- I lost my dad. Doing rituals that my dad did for his mom when he was 61 and my brother and I did the same for my dad when we are barely half his age. Feb 2016- I was busy getting death certificates, claiming insurance money, removing my dad’s name out of everything, crying in middle of the road, restrooms. Mar 2016- Trying to figure what happens after death. Slept most of the time because reality was just painful. Consoling the visitors who came to console us. I decided to not have kids. Being born as a human is a curse. My baby will have to suffer just like how I’m suffering now. So, no I’m not having kids. Apr 2016- Back in Chicago with lots of problems including fear, anxiety and painful grief. May 2016- Going through grief all by myself, sobbing for hours together, getting mad at everything and everyone, dealing with anxiety pangs, break-downs, panic attacks. June 2016- My first birthday without my dad. Met with an accident. More anxiety. July 2016- Got into gardening, did a lot of it. Every harvest was like a miracle and helped me find my inner-peace back. Aug 2016- I figured I haven’t really lost myΒ dad, he is and will be my dad always and forever. He is omni-present and I will have to interpret his silence whenever I miss him. He is my guardian angel always guiding me. Sep 2016- I found the solution to my anxiety and with the help of my loved ones, I started working on kicking its ass. I also started taking life one day at a time, enjoying little things in life, making memories, spreading happiness. Death/grief is painful but that made me appreciate life more and to not take it for granted. Oct 2016- Should I get pregnant like everyone is suggesting? Or may be not now. Definitely not when I’m suffering. But I can’t control and decide my life anyway, if only I could, I would have saved my dad. So let’s go with the flow and accept what life has in store for me. No expectations whatsoever, let’s live it one moment at a time until the day I’ll be reunited with my dad. Nov 2016- Trump happened! Negative vibes, over-thinking, fear, breakdowns drained the life out of me but that made me grow spiritually and emotionally. Dec 2016- Something about December felt so nice, nothing extraordinary happened to me but I could sense a lot of positive vibes around me. That felt so good- not happy, not sad- it’s been a long time since I felt that way. Thanks to each and everyone who had me in your thoughts and sent me much needed positive energy. 2016 is very bad year for me but I have learnt a lot. It is that evil teacher who hit me right on my knuckles and tortured me just so that I learn and be a better human. I’m a good kid you know, I can learn things when taught in a good way. I’ll never be thankful to you! Not one bit. Good bye, 2016.
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10 thoughts on “Farewell to 2016

  1. Now that you got rid of all those negativities by writing them off, fill the void with one and only positive vibes πŸ™‚ as always we’ll be there for you and send our share of positivity and overload you πŸ˜‰ as Ranjani said, 2017 will be yours and in a way better way!!! Cheers Ice!!

  2. My chest is heaving right now. I feel like I almost went through your pain although I’m not sure I’m capable of even comprehending it. Like I always say, you actually lived through some of my biggest fears.
    But I love how everything began to lift towards the end of the year. I realise that this month might bring back some of those feelings for you but at the same time, I hope you find the strength to give yourself closure on the anniversary of your father’s passing. I’m sure he would want that for you.
    My prayers and love to you, Aishwarya!

    1. Thank you so much, Ankita! Again, I’m so so glad that I found you and your blog! I’ll be going to India this month, so I’m glad I’ll be with my loved ones during the tough times. πŸ™‚

  3. 2016 was a bad year for you, but 2017 is going to make up for it Aishwarya! I just know it! 2015 was a bad year for my sister-in-law, her mother died of cancer while she was two months pregnant! Also, her father had died when she was just 18 years old. 2016 she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl but she is going through some tough health issues right now. But every day I see her fighting it out and spreading happiness to everyone around her! People who deal with the darkest of times are the strongest. I’ll crumble and fall the moment something terrible happens and I know that I’m a weak person! But I see people like you and my sister in law as fighters, the ones that faced the worst times and survived. Stay strong and sending you everything beautiful your way! πŸ™‚

    1. You are so sweet, Lakshmi! That means a lot to me. Your sister-in-law is a bravo and lucky to be in a family like yours. πŸ™‚ Thank you so much! πŸ™‚

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